So I started a post about a week ago and while I was typing the computer erased everything I had written so I gave up. So here I am again but I probably shouldn't be blogging right now because I am extremely frustrated right now. Oh well...here goes the venting session.
I'm tired. Exhausted actually. It's been a rough week with Kylie. On top of her not taking her medication regularly and her attitude I am just ready to walk away. But I know I cycle through this with her all the time. Our PLL classes have been going well and when Karen leaves this house I always feel we are moving in a positive direction. Then comes the time when I actually have to deal with the behavior and attitude and it sucks. We have to be on our game with her every second of every minute and it's exhausting. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of running her to appointments. I'm sick of going to appointments. It is every day of the weekday that she or we have 1-2 appointments concerning her whether it be counseling, family counseling, PLL, CBRS...and then we have tons of medical bills on top of it and I'm sick to death of it. I'm sick of trying to balance out the other kids with her issues. The other kids by the way that are making good choices and making an effort at a good life. It's not fair to them and I'm sick of them taking the back burner to Kylie.
I honestly was trying to figure out a way tonight to just ship her off. They keep telling us in PLL that we need to be careful about outside resources because the child might lose all respect for us and when they come back in the home they go back to old behaviors. We saw this when she came home from the youth ranch. But honestly...the girl is almost 17. Can't she just go somewhere for a year and turn 18 and then she can do whatever she wants...legally???!!! I mean...sometimes it seems like she does that now just not at the legal age.
I usually try to end on a positive note with these posts but I am burnt out. I love the poor girl. Mental illness sucks. Being a teenager sucks. Being a parent of a mentally ill teenager sucks. We have so many irons in the fire right now I just want a week off of being that parent but when your girl is mentally ill you never ever ever get that week off. I couldn't even write a Christmas letter this year because I was afraid I couldn't come up with enough positive to say about her. I'll get over this selfish attitude soon I'm sure but for now I'm just spent.
Merry Christmas everyone!
I know it is all consuming and very draining. On top of that you have all the mini task and responsibilities for Christmas. No wonder you are exhausted. I pray that you will have some moments of peace this week. If I remember correctly there may be a chapter learn how to put yourself and your other children first and then deal with kylie problems in the book I sent you on borderline personality disorder. To me it seems like that's impossible but maybe there will be some suggestions there. I wish there was something I could do to help. You will continue to be in our prayers
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