Sunday, November 9, 2014
It starts...
Today I found out way more than I wanted to about my daughter Kylie. The story actually starts a few years ago with our "journey" with our oldest daughter and her mental health...but today I wanted to document as I have had so many thoughts and feelings go through my mind.
My husband and I woke up this morning to a text from our daughter who said she left at 7:30 AM to hang out with her friend Carson. The rule in our home is that we attend church together on Sunday but she has actually not attended with us for a few weeks. We told her a little over a week ago she could go to church with Carson and that would be better than not attending at all. After a couple hours of texting and calling we realized she would not be going to church and was not with Carson at all.
I was up really late last night cleaning the house and waiting for Kylie who was at a dance with friends I consider to be really good friends and friends that are a positive influence on her. (These are not friends she regularly chooses to spend time with unfortunately...) She had been home to change about 7:30 PM and we had a little "discussion" about the fact she had stolen my credit card and made some charges to it. So I did not expect her to want to talk about it when she got home and I was right...she didn't. She went down to her room and avoided me and her father at all costs. My husband did ask her about it and luckily she told us where the card was.
So she already knew she was in a bit of trouble Sunday morning. My husband and I decided it was time for her to go to residential treatment...an emergency bed at a place we had set up before the weekend had started as we had had several issues earlier in the week.
We made arrangements to pick her up at her "friend's" house. A friend I will call M. M has a history of telling us how to parent and lying to us as much as Kylie. We picked Kylie up and headed to RTC (Ribbon Treatment Center) and as soon as Kylie found out where we were going she started crying and begged and pleaded with us not to take her. We've heard it all before. However...every time there is a little part of me that wants to believe her that she really is ready to change. It is heartwrenching mostly because I know it's not true but I want it for her. The pattern never seems to lead to improvement. It was nauseating taking her and admitting her in to RTC which will only keep her for 72 hours. We have admitted her so many times in the last few months to different facilities whether it be ER's, behavioral centers, state hospital...and the questions are always the same. Medical, physical, emotional stability. When is the last time you were suicidal? When is the last time you drank? Used tobacco? Are you sexually active? With who? Are you pregnant? I actually had a breakdown in a facility when they were asking her these questions a few weeks back. I think I knew the truth about some of the questions they were asking but it was different hearing her actually admitting these things.
It's funny how you think things are as bad as they can be...and then you find out even worse things. My husband and I went in to delete her facebook account tonight and found out things we did not want to know...but it's a blessing we did find out. We then invited a cop over to talk with us about some of the things we found. Maybe I will be able to post about some of these things at a later date.
My tender mercies today were that when we were driving to RTC the song "Consider the Lilies" came on and the phrase "He will lead those who trust Him and guide them with his eye" gave me so much comfort and hope today. I'm so grateful for the Atonement and for Jesus Christ. This trial I am having is hard. It's really hard. I sometimes don't want to get out of bed and face another day with her. But I'm so blessed to have a knowledge that I am a child of God and so is my "little" daughter. Her Young Women's leader stopped by today too to see her. What a blessing that was...even though she was not here. I am so blessed to have people in my life that care so deeply for Kylie and my family.
I do not know what is going to happen with Kylie. I know that we love her dearly. We are so sad for her choices. She's made some pretty bad ones. But you know...so have we as her parents. She's also made some good choices and it's really too bad the bad ones stick out so much and overpower those good ones which are few and far between.
I hope to update this often. If for no other reason then just to vent a little and have a little record of the struggles and successes we have with her.
My husband and I woke up this morning to a text from our daughter who said she left at 7:30 AM to hang out with her friend Carson. The rule in our home is that we attend church together on Sunday but she has actually not attended with us for a few weeks. We told her a little over a week ago she could go to church with Carson and that would be better than not attending at all. After a couple hours of texting and calling we realized she would not be going to church and was not with Carson at all.
I was up really late last night cleaning the house and waiting for Kylie who was at a dance with friends I consider to be really good friends and friends that are a positive influence on her. (These are not friends she regularly chooses to spend time with unfortunately...) She had been home to change about 7:30 PM and we had a little "discussion" about the fact she had stolen my credit card and made some charges to it. So I did not expect her to want to talk about it when she got home and I was right...she didn't. She went down to her room and avoided me and her father at all costs. My husband did ask her about it and luckily she told us where the card was.
So she already knew she was in a bit of trouble Sunday morning. My husband and I decided it was time for her to go to residential treatment...an emergency bed at a place we had set up before the weekend had started as we had had several issues earlier in the week.
We made arrangements to pick her up at her "friend's" house. A friend I will call M. M has a history of telling us how to parent and lying to us as much as Kylie. We picked Kylie up and headed to RTC (Ribbon Treatment Center) and as soon as Kylie found out where we were going she started crying and begged and pleaded with us not to take her. We've heard it all before. However...every time there is a little part of me that wants to believe her that she really is ready to change. It is heartwrenching mostly because I know it's not true but I want it for her. The pattern never seems to lead to improvement. It was nauseating taking her and admitting her in to RTC which will only keep her for 72 hours. We have admitted her so many times in the last few months to different facilities whether it be ER's, behavioral centers, state hospital...and the questions are always the same. Medical, physical, emotional stability. When is the last time you were suicidal? When is the last time you drank? Used tobacco? Are you sexually active? With who? Are you pregnant? I actually had a breakdown in a facility when they were asking her these questions a few weeks back. I think I knew the truth about some of the questions they were asking but it was different hearing her actually admitting these things.
It's funny how you think things are as bad as they can be...and then you find out even worse things. My husband and I went in to delete her facebook account tonight and found out things we did not want to know...but it's a blessing we did find out. We then invited a cop over to talk with us about some of the things we found. Maybe I will be able to post about some of these things at a later date.
My tender mercies today were that when we were driving to RTC the song "Consider the Lilies" came on and the phrase "He will lead those who trust Him and guide them with his eye" gave me so much comfort and hope today. I'm so grateful for the Atonement and for Jesus Christ. This trial I am having is hard. It's really hard. I sometimes don't want to get out of bed and face another day with her. But I'm so blessed to have a knowledge that I am a child of God and so is my "little" daughter. Her Young Women's leader stopped by today too to see her. What a blessing that was...even though she was not here. I am so blessed to have people in my life that care so deeply for Kylie and my family.
I do not know what is going to happen with Kylie. I know that we love her dearly. We are so sad for her choices. She's made some pretty bad ones. But you know...so have we as her parents. She's also made some good choices and it's really too bad the bad ones stick out so much and overpower those good ones which are few and far between.
I hope to update this often. If for no other reason then just to vent a little and have a little record of the struggles and successes we have with her.
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